8 Ways to Stop Lying in a Relationship
A single lie has the potential to shatter years of hard-earned trust, and lying consistently to your partner will surely lead to your relationship’s downfall. If you value your partner and yet continue to be dishonest about your feelings and deeds, then your only options are to either stop this chain of lies or put an end to the relationship itself. If you prefer the former, then perhaps these eight ways will help you stop this detrimental habit or tendency:
This might sound like a weird suggestion since you’re the one lying, but sometimes, people lie because they don’t trust the person they are lying to. For instance, you might lie about your true feelings regarding your partner’s family because you’re afraid that she/he will immediately dismiss what you’ll say and automatically side with her/his kin. You might also lie about yourself because you don’t trust your partner enough to tell her the truth about your troubled past. Regardless of what her/his reactions might be, you must trust and believe—for without these, you can never be truly honest, and your relationship will never have a stable footing.
2. Be Trustworthy
Of course, you cannot possibly learn to trust in your partner if you yourself are not trustworthy. After all, it is not a far cry to say that the main reason people lie is that they are hiding something immoral or indecent. If you don’t want to lie about cheating on your partner, then never engage in an affair. If you do not want to lie about spending your joint savings in casinos, then don’t waste both of your money on gambling. It’s as simple as that. By being trustworthy, you prevent the problem from existing!
3. Count to Five and Tell the Truth!
Now, if you have already done something bad, like cheating on your partner, then you have to count to five and tell the truth! The five-second countdown is long enough to prepare yourself for the moment but short enough to prevent you from overthinking and backing down. You have done something wrong, and the least you can do to make up for it is admit it to your partner. The more you hide the truth and the more you deny, the longer the problem will last and the harder the consequences will be. So before it’s too late, count to five and tell the truth!
4. Practice Open Communication
To truly be honest with each other, both you and your partner need to consistently practice open communication. If you tell her/him what you think and feel and she/he does the same, then you’ll understand and become more comfortable with each other, thus diminishing the compulsion to hide things and lie. It is only when you communicate that your relationship truly becomes a genuine partnership—free from the shackles of deceit and apprehension.
5. Empathize with Your Partner
If you find yourself constantly lying to your partner, imagine the opposite. How would you feel when you find out the truth? You would feel betrayed, disrespected, and on some extreme cases, defiled, right? Sure, you wouldn’t want to be lied to and made a fool of. Use empathy as a sheath that prevents you from drawing the blade of lies against your partner!
6. Look for a Partner that You Truly Value and Love
This is more of a drastic measure. If you find yourself constantly lying to your partner, without much regard to the pain it might cause her/him down the line, then perhaps you don’t really value or love her/him as much as you think, and it is time to responsibly put an end to the relationship. Only then will the lying truly stop. Spare both you and her/him the trouble of living in constant lies, and look for someone who you truly value and care enough not to lie to. However, before you pursue a new person, please take note of all the items provided here to avoid repeating the past.
7. Remove Constant Lying from Your Lifestyle
Even if you take into account the previous items and find a person who you truly value, if lying is a part of your lifestyle already, then you’ll most probably end up lying all over again. After all, if you lie to people every day, then lying becomes a habit; it becomes a natural impulse where you become desensitized to its detrimental effects. Hence, make an earnest effort to remove constant lying from your everyday life first. Doing this will not only help you become more honest in your relationship, but it will also make you a better person in general.
8. Know the Difference between Good and Bad Lies
Not all lies are inherently bad; there are those that, depending on the frequency of use and situation, are acceptable. However, you should be able to clearly tell the difference to avoid confusing a bad lie as a good one. An example of a good lie is when you say that you enjoyed your partner’s cooking, despite it being somewhat bitter, to show your appreciation and not make her/him feel bad about the food that she/he took hours to make for you. Of course, in a situation like this, context is important. If she cooked for you because she wanted to surprise you, then it’s all right to say that you enjoyed the dish. However, if she wanted you to taste it because she’s entering a cooking competition or if she expressly told you to give honest feedback, then you should tell the truth. An example of a bad lie is saying that you had a late-night office meeting when you actually had a late-night love affair. Regardless of the context, this lie is never acceptable. Hence, you should straight out avoid bad lies and practice caution when making good ones.
Trust is an essential ingredient to any long-lasting relationship, and lies are the arch enemies of trust. Hence, it is but paramount that you and your partner do everything you can to avoid corrupting your relationship with lies.